Today is my aunt’s funeral. She was buried overseas where she lived. My thoughts and love are very much with my mum, my cousins and all her family and friends. May she rest in peace. Amen.
I’m a strong believer in fate. Everything happens for a reason. Our routes in life have already been mapped out long believe we were even conceived and if we believe in higher powers, we can have the knowledge that everything that happens in our life is meant to be.
I had believed I had found the love of my life and would be with him forever. I had been happy in that life, blissfully unaware that my much talked about, much envied, much loved-up, happy marriage wasn’t quite the mutual happiness myself and countless others had believed it to be. Part of the reason I bailed from my private Facebook is the fact that those pages are littered with countless happy, smiley photos of us as a couple having what was truly a wonderfully full and blessed life. I can’t bear those reminders. More on bailing Facebook another time.
I have to believe that this heartbreak was pre-destined to happen. There might be reasons for it which I might one day be privy to; then again those reasons may never become apparent to me. But whatever happens my life will go on.
I have so far chosen not to tell my friends and family (except very few close ones) that my marriage has ended. The two close friends that I told had wide open mouth shock because they knew us very well as a couple and had even been over to ours countless times including for meals this year. One friend was visibly shaking in shock, almost in tears, thoroughly convinced that I must not give up because the only way this man she knew who loved me so much could ever leave me was if he was having some sort of mental breakdown. She was adamant he had to be ill. She lectured me endlessly on making sure I found him medical help and that I must stay supportive and must never leave him. I didn’t leave. He left.
I suspect if I told others friends, this sort of shock and drama will be replicated. I can’t deal with other people’s shock and drama right now. I just have to hide away to deal with my own shock and drama. And maybe one day, when I’ve got my own shit sufficiently together enough, I will consider opening the floodgate of telling friends and family. If that means hiding away for now, then so be it.
Week Twelve’s verdict: today’s weight 105.7kg, week’s weight loss 0.9 kg (1.98 pounds); total weight loss; 18.7 kg ( 41.1 pounds)
I am now 0.5 kg or 1 pound away from the 3 stone weight loss. I really can’t wait.