I am overwhelmed by profound sadness that in two days’ time, I will find myself in court facing my ex, his gutter solicitor and expensive barrister – exactly 15 years to the day we first met; Saturday, 20th January, 2001.
I am overwhelmed by sadness that 15 years later, this is where we are.
I am overwhelmed by sadness that my ex has spent over £11,000, so far, on legal fees on our divorce but has never for one day stated exactly how he thinks our assets ought to be divided. Nothing. Nada.
I am overwhelmed by sadness that my ex’s behaviour has forced me to spend over £10,000 on legal fees.
Jesus Christ. Over £21,000 wasted on fuck all, is a lot of money by anyone’s standards. If this case goes to a final trial like I expect it would, we would have spent 3 or 4 or 5 times that amount.
For what exactly? Absolutely no progress whatsoever.
I am overwhelmed by sadness that after 15 years, my ex would rather spend silly money on lawyers, force me to do the same, rather than settle our disputes like civilised and intelligent people ought to do.
This man that I loved unconditionally for 14.5 years thinks that this sorry state of affairs is the best way forward. Why?
But things are what they are and I just have to get on with it hopeful that this nightmare will one day end.
My diet has fallen by the wayside in the last few days. If I’m totally honest, I’m not too bothered about it and will not kick myself for doing whatever I need to do to get over the stress and sadness that seek to drown me.
I have never smoked or been much of a drinker; my limit has always been one or two glasses of red wine. Last night, in my sadness and angst, I wished I was a smoker, puffing away on endless sticks of cigarettes and drinking shots after shots of whiskey. Instead, I had diet coke, crisps and toasts. Perhaps not quite the tragic romance of puffing away on cigarettes and drinking whiskey but equally as destructive.
Please don’t write to tell me to stay on my diet, don’t let the bastard derail me, blah blah blah.
I know and I will sort it soon enough.
I won’t stress about the diet. I have other much more important things to stress about.
I absolutely cannot wait to see the end of this week.
I will not stop my diet until I reach goal weight, so will sort it out when my head is able to.
Just please, let me get over this nightmare week.