A planned day off my diet, ended up being a week off my diet.
And so, on Saturday, I had yet another restart and so far, I’ve been 100% on my diet.
I am beginning to worry whether I will fail in this diet quest.
I obviously do not want to fail.
I am currently at a weight that is comfortable for me and I have never really managed to get below this sort of weight in any diet that I have been on.
I have been on a quest to lose weight since age 9. I am 43 years old. 34 years of excessive fat is a long history to overcome. Even if I think of my weight struggles as an adult, since the age of 18, that means 25 years old of history. That’s a lot of years.
It is easy to give up.
It is easy to say that I have failed at every attempt to get to a healthy weight all my life and why should this time and this diet be any different.
It is easy to say that my history is very much against me.
It is easy to accept that maybe I’m just not meant to ever be a size 6.
It is easy to let the negativity get to me.
But self-love is about telling yourself the truth and being brutally honest with yourself.
Self-love is about admitting that there are all sorts of plans I have for my future that will never happen if I remain obese.
Self-love is about being the best version of myself that I can be.
Self-love is about reminding myself that I have survived 17 months of pure hell. That girl that thought that she didn’t want to live because her marriage ended, that girl who would cry herself to sleep over the heartbreak of the end of her marriage, survived that pure hell.
If I can survive 17 months of pure hell, surely I can control what goes from my hands to my mouth and therefore whether I remain obese forever or have a better life at a healthy weight.
I am channelling the me that achieved ambitions way beyond all limitations even when I’m told by those who should know better to lower my expectations and ambitions.
I am channelling the me that achieved first class honours degree, distinction in post graduate studies, who won every single academic prize available and ended up working in one of the top companies in the world in my professional field, before illness caused me to stop work.
I am channelling the me that has a can do attitude that means that no is never the answer and who uses intelligence and creativity to create solutions for every problem that presents itself.
I am channelling the me that may have been dealt with a few bad hands by fate but is still standing and still finds reasons to smile.
I know the me above is still very much around, because that person is the only reason I could have survived my 17 months of hell.
That person can get to the end of this weight loss quest.
And so, I pledge that I do not care how often I fall down on this quest to break a weight problem of a lifetime, I will get up whenever I fail and I will carry on.
I do not care that every body else on the internet is losing all their excess weight in a few short months and my journey is taking forever. We are all different and we all have our own lives and quests to overcome.
This is my journey and it will take as long as it takes.
I do not care that my body doesn’t lose as much weight as everyone seem to do on the Cambridge diet, I will keep going.
I do not care that my body frustrates the hell out of me by often ceasing to lose weight when I am doing everything right, I will keep going until I reach my destination.
And so, here I am again, promising myself and everyone who has followed my weight loss quest that I will keep going until I hit a healthy weight or at least a weight that I have never achieved before given that I have no idea whether an NHS prescribed BMI friendly weight would look good on this 43 year old who has never been a healthy weight.
I am on yet another self-imposed 28 days challenge to lose a stone. The plan is to stay strictly on my diet except for one meal when a very good friend is taking me out to a very fancy restaurant for lunch. Yes, there is something like a free lunch…
And yes, it will be one lunch that will not be 100% on plan, but this time, it will stop at only one meal and not one week.
Week One, Day 572’s Verdict: today’s weight 90.1 kg, week’s weight loss 3.6 kg (7.9 pounds); total weight loss; 33.7 kg; 74.1 pounds; 5 stones 4 pounds