Day 610 – From the mouth of babes….

Yesterday, I spent nearly 5 hours in the company of two delightful boys, one is 7 and the other is 5.

We baked shortbread biscuits and a two layered vanilla birthday cake, with buttercup frosting, complete with birthday messages and candles, after which we invited their parents and 5 month old brother to join our little tea party.

I did not even have a teeny weeny piece of cake.

This is a first.


There is hope for me yet.


At one point, the 5 year old declared that I was his best “Belle.” His mum tells me this is the height of his compliments.

At another point, he said:

“Mummy said you’re separated from your husband and you are no longer friends. You have two new friends, X and Y.” He proclaimed, naming his brother and himself.

That comment nearly moved me to tears. I gave both of them a high five, a kiss and a cuddle.

He also declared that I had the nicest kitchen in the whole wide world.


Isn’t it just amazing how kids can make everything seem so easy and uncomplicated?


Since the last time that I wrote, the transfer of equity of my beautiful home into my sole name has completed. I looked at the title deed with my full name on it, with tears of joy, so much pride and immense gratitude that I have come out of my nightmare with a clean break and with my home as mine.

Just over a week ago, I finally deleted my ex ‘s phone numbers and that of his mum and sister from my contact list. The time was right and it felt good to have that firm closure.

But…things are not completely over.

My ex is still continuing with his ridiculous and crazy stance of taking me to court to fight over a previously jointly used mac computer which is over three years old and which I have been using alone since he left in April 2015.

The fact that this man is going ahead with this utterly ridiculous case tells me that his madness has not waned. His ludicrous barrister, with over 20 years experience, had demanded half a day of a busy Central London court, the busiest family court in the country, to talk shit about this computer.

The court has allocated 5 minutes instead of the demanded half a day.

Oh and for this laughable case, we are both required to prepare like a real case, exchange witness statements, evidence and all sorts.

I have been told to be prepared to be totally lambasted by an angry judge for this stupid matter coming to court but so be it. 

I look forward to a fun trip to Central London after which I will meet a friend for dinner and have a laugh.


In other news, I am still doing well in my diet.

I am also using my gym and in the last couple of weeks, have decided to weigh once a week instead of my previous obsession of weighing two or three times daily.


Day 345 – The Joy of…Sex?

The good

So I hit my home gym for the first time in nearly 1 year.

I am lucky and have gym quality equipment in my home including a Life Fitness Recumbent exercise bike and TechnoGym Top XT

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What a revelation.

In the past, even at my heaviest weighing over 127 kg, I would use the gym 3 to 5 times a week and if I missed a week or two, I would immediately notice the loss of fitness.

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On Sunday, I was cycling like I had just cycled the previous day and not the previous year. My legs felt so light on the pedals – the effects of having lost 35 kg since the last time I cycled. I was singing to ABBA, truly in my element.

I hit the gym again yesterday and same as Sunday, 10 minutes on the bike and 10 minutes on the Top XT (which is like cycling with your hands). I had intended to eat little bit more protein as I still don’t believe it is OK to gym on the 810 calories I’m on but I was busy and didn’t.

I have missed fitness.

Oh how I have missed my gym.

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The bad

I had one of those weekends when it would have been great to have had a man around the house but I don’t and I coped just fine.

Massive water leak in my downstairs toilet, sitting room and corridors. I knew the stopcock for the water was in a kitchen cupboard but I couldn’t locate it.

My next door neighbours who have been very kind to me, came to the rescue as we tried to locate the stopcock. I thought it might have been covered by a kitchen cabinet panel which my neighbour unscrewed and voila.

With no water off, my kind neighbours offered to get me some fish and chips as they figured I wouldn’t want to cook. I declined gratefully. I cooked.

And then started my Saturday night. Plumber arrived, claimed it was a gas pipe or underfloor heating causing the leak and said that I needed a gas engineer.

Gas engineer arrives a couple of hours later, destroys my wall and paintings getting to radiators, says boiler pressure is fine, and that I needed…a plumber. He warns me that my new expensive amtico floor will have to be destroyed to locate the leak.

Fuck. I can’t afford to replace floors.

I waited until nearly midnight for the plumber to return and I called to be told he wasn’t coming. He would call before coming the next morning…but that was of course too much like hardwork, he just turned up at my door around 8, waking me from a dream where I was hugging the soon to be ex sister-in-law I’ll most likely never see again in my life and kissing her son, my much loved nephew who sadly I may never see again.

The plumber returns and says being Sunday, nothing could be done and I have to wait for Monday for thermal imaging to check where the leak was coming from.

I elect to have the water turned back on and to watch for leaks. I can have a long shower and flush toilets and live in the 21st Century.

Monday arrives, I’m told the thermal imaging will come Wednesday but at least I have running water.

But who cares about all that? I’ve re-discovered the joy of exercising and feel like I have a good bit of my old life once again.

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