2

Week One, Day 572 – My Journey…Is Right on Time

A planned day off my diet, ended up being a week off my diet.

And so, on Saturday, I had yet another restart and so far, I’ve been 100% on my diet.

I am beginning to worry whether I will fail in this diet quest.

I obviously do not want to fail.

I am currently at a weight that is comfortable for me and I have never really managed to get below this sort of weight in any diet that I have been on.

Ever.

I have been on a quest to lose weight since age 9. I am 43 years old. 34 years of excessive fat is a long history to overcome. Even if I think of my weight struggles as an adult, since the age of 18, that means 25 years old of history. That’s a lot of years.

It is easy to give up.

It is easy to say that I have failed at every attempt to get to a healthy weight all my life and why should this time and this diet be any different.

It is easy to say that my history is very much against me.

It is easy to accept that maybe I’m just not meant to ever be a size 6.

It is easy to let the negativity get to me.

But self-love is about telling yourself the truth and being brutally honest with yourself.

Self-love is about admitting that there are all sorts of plans I have for my future that will never happen if I remain obese.

Self-love is about being the best version of myself that I can be.

Self-love is about reminding myself that I have survived 17 months of pure hell. That girl that thought that she didn’t want to live because her marriage ended, that girl who would cry herself to sleep over the heartbreak of the end of her marriage, survived that pure hell.

If I can survive 17 months of pure hell, surely I can control what goes from my hands to my mouth and therefore whether I remain obese forever or have a better life at a healthy weight.

I am channelling the me that  achieved ambitions way beyond all limitations even when I’m told by those who should know better to lower my expectations and ambitions.

I am channelling the me that achieved first class honours degree, distinction in post graduate studies, who won every single academic prize available and ended up  working in one of the top companies in the world in my professional field, before illness caused me to stop work.

own-hero

I am channelling the me that has a can do attitude that means that no is never the answer and who uses intelligence and creativity to create solutions for every problem that presents itself.

I am channelling the me that may have been dealt with a few bad hands by fate but is still standing and still finds reasons to smile.

I know the me above is still very much around, because that person is the only reason I could have survived my 17 months of hell.

That person can get to the end of this weight loss quest.

And so, I pledge that I do not care how often I fall down on this quest to break a weight problem of a lifetime, I will get up whenever I fail and I will carry on.

mirror-mirror

I do not care that every body else on the internet is losing all their excess weight in a few short months and my journey is taking forever. We are all different and we all have our own lives and quests to overcome.

This is my journey and it will take as long as it takes.

I do not care that my body doesn’t lose as much weight as everyone seem to do on the Cambridge diet, I will keep going.

I do not care that my body frustrates the hell out of me by often ceasing to lose weight when I am doing everything right, I will keep going until I reach my destination.

now-is-right-on-time

And so, here I am again, promising myself and everyone who has followed my weight loss quest that I will keep going until I hit a healthy weight or at least a weight that I have never achieved before given that I have no idea whether an NHS prescribed BMI friendly weight would look good on this 43 year old who has never been a healthy weight.

I am on yet another self-imposed 28 days challenge to lose a stone. The plan is to stay strictly on my diet except for one meal when a very good friend is taking me out to a very fancy restaurant for lunch. Yes, there is something like a free lunch…

And yes, it will be one lunch that will not be 100% on plan, but this time, it will stop at only one meal and not one week.

Week One, Day 572’s Verdict: today’s weight 90.1 kg, week’s weight loss 3.6 kg (7.9 pounds); total weight loss;  33.7 kg; 74.1 pounds; 5 stones 4 pounds

 

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4

Day 325 – Care to Lose a Stone in 10 Weeks?

I had CBT therapy today and my therapist was very surprised when I told her how much weight I’ve lost so far. I guess it is difficult for someone who sees you regularly to realise that you’ve grown smaller. Either that or I am just huge…and still huge!

I’m energised with my weight loss quest and highly motivated to keep going and get to goal without messing around…too much.

So this year, I have set myself two mini targets to aim for, as well as a revised final target to reach goal weight, all with realistic and achievable timeframes – if I stick to the plan.

No messing.

lets fucking do this

All weights are based on my upstairs weight, wearing my nightie and not the official Cambridge Diet weight downstairs wearing the now tattered clothes I’ve won for every single official weigh-in.

Given that I have never been anywhere near the weight that takes my BMI into a healthy range (63.8kg; 10 stones) there is a chance that I might hit a weight that is more realistic for my body long before then and feel comfortable enough to start maintenance. For example, Dukan Diet, a diet that I have done with some success in the past, has calculated my realistic ideal weight based on my weight history, to be around 74kg; 11 stone 9. I suspect my real ideal weight might be more the Dukan weight than BMI but that’s a decision I would be very happy and extremely lucky to get to.

I am not doing New Year resolutions this year – it’s just a recipe for setting oneself up for failure. Instead, I choose to just get on with things and to try my utmost best to ensure that whatever crap (or joy) is going on in my life does not affect my weight loss journey.

I’ve got to do this one thing for myself. Lose weight.

Mini-Target One – Lose a Stone in 10 Weeks

By any weight-loss programme, losing a stone in 10 weeks is a realistic goal and I will be kicking myself if I don’t make this weight loss target.

If I hit this mini goal, I will be just another stone from my BMI becoming “overweight”. I have not been anywhere near overweight since I was 18 years old.

Starting Weight: 89.6kg; 14 stone 1

Starting Date: Tuesday 5th January, 2016

Goal Weight: 83.2kg; 13 stone 1

Goal Date: Tuesday 15th March, 2016

Total Weight-loss: 6.4 kg; 1 stone

Weeks to Target: 10 weeks

Weekly Weight Loss to Hit Goal: 0.64kg; 1.4lbs

Mini-Target Two – Best Birthday Present Ever: Become Overweight!

Starting Weight: 89.9kg; 14 stone 2

Starting Date: Monday 4th January, 2016

Goal Weight: 76.6kg; 12 stone

Goal Date: Monday 23rd May, 2016 (two weeks after my 43rd birthday)

Total Weight-loss: 13.3kg; 2 stone 1

Weeks to Target: 20 weeks

Weekly Weight Loss to Hit Goal: 0.67kg; 1.5lbs

Goal Weight Target – Hit Healthy BMI and Be Slim by End of Summer!

Starting weight: 90.6kg; 14 stone 3

Starting Date: Sunday 3rd January, 2016

Goal Weight: 63.8kg; 10 stone

Goal Date: Friday 30th September

Total Weight-loss: 26.8kg; 4 stone 3 pounds

Weeks to Target: 38 weeks and 5 days

Weekly Weight Loss to Hit Goal: 0.69kg; 1.5lbs

Would you like to join me in losing 1 stone in 10 weeks?

If so, please drop a comment here or check out the contact page and send me a private email. We can keep each other motivated and more importantly, accountable regardless of what weight loss or healthy regime you are on.

You can visualise what you might look at your idea weight like I have done in this post using Model My Diet.

Good luck to all of us.

Let’s kick some (fat) arse.

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Day 297 – I Am Accountable to You.

I have had a lot of love from perfect strangers who read this blog.

I feel a sense of responsibility to the people who write to tell me that I inspire them to lose weight. I owe it to them to get to the end of this weight loss journey.

I am losing weight for myself.

But today, I pledge to lose weight for every single person who follows this blog especially those who have written to say that my journey has inspired them.

I am accountable to all of you and I’m doing this not just for me but for you too.

I will try my hardest to make myself proud and to make you proud of me.

I will not disappoint you.

accountable (1)

If I can lose weight through the implosion of my life as I knew it and the marital breakdown from hell, anyone can lose weight.

Last night my little sister called me to cheer me up as she knew I was down and she succeeded. She’s adorable.

We also talked about my diet. She told me it’s totally not worth it to give up and gain back the weight. She reminded me how far I’ve already come in this journey. I reiterated the fighting talk that giving up is not an option and I meant it.

Today is a new page in my weight loss journey.

I know how easy it is to lose a bunch of weight and put it all back again. I’ve been there countless times in my life.

It is finally time to man up and break that cycle of weight loss, weight gain, weight loss, on and on and on again on a rollercoaster of obesity.

Eating crap will not change my difficult circumstances.

Eating crap will not help me reorganise the aspects of my life I need to figure out as I move on in my life.

Feeling down is not a license to eat crap; shit happens, deal with it or drown with it.

Eating crap will only extend this journey as reflected in my Monitor Your Weight App every time I gain weight.

Eating crap will not give me the freedom to do all those things that obesity has stopped me from doing or live all those secret dreams.

Eating crap may temporary give me the high of comfort eating but it is only a very short relief that brings on other negative feelings and weight gain which do not help in the short term, let alone in the longer term.

important

Today is the start of a re-energised crack at losing the four stones that will take me into a healthy weight.

The timing is very bad as a taxi driver reminded me yesterday as we traded dieting history. True, it sucks to be thinking of a renewed vigour in my weight loss journey with Christmas lurking around the corner and other potential temptations such as a party at the weekend and a lunch early next week.

But the reality is that real life will never suspend itself to make every aspect of life perfectly conducive for weight loss.

I will not cancel Christmas which I expect to be a junk fest with three young children. I will not hide away at home and not attend this party or the lunch.

I will live life and just make better choices when I’m out of the bubble of home. And of course make the right choices when I’m at home too.

For the next few days or however long it takes to sort my head and stay 100% on this diet, I will be posting every single thing I eat and drink.

I will try my best to stay 100% on my diet but even if I fail, every morsel that goes from my hand to my mouth will be reported truthfully and completely in this diary.

I am accountable to you.

accountability8-p1

4

Day 197: Renewed Energy – Let’s Smash Some Lifelong Targets

The luxury of having toast and egg for breakfast as I have been doing on Step 3 (1000 calories) of the Cambridge diet has ended…for now.

Things have been a bit slow on the weight loss front, so I’ve decided to shake things up a little bit.

michael jordan scr1

Today, I have stepped down to Step 2 of the Cambridge diet, eating 810 calories daily which constitutes: three Cambridge weight plan products, 300 ml of semi-skimmed milk (I couldn’t stomach 425 ml of skimmed milk so worked out the semi-skimmed milk calorie equivalent), 80g of vegetables from a list of allowed vegetables and a measured amount of protein from an allowed list, in my case, usually 2 eggs or 245g of skinless chicken breast or 275g of white fish or 250g of seafood. To up my fibre intake, I use Cambridge fibre and I also start the day with a heaped teaspoon of psyllium husk powder which I mix into milk from my allowance, I tablet of canderel and some cinnamon powder which makes it a pleasant experience.

So here are some wonderful targets to aim for:

weight-loss-women

Lose another 1.5 kg (3.3 pounds) – 5 stone total loss (32 kg; 70.4 pounds)

Lose another 7 kg (15.2 pounds) – Lowest weight since I was about 20 years old!

Lose another 16.5 kg (36 pounds) – Lowest weight since I was 18 years old! This might be the target to end this journey on or one to hit and carry on until I can be called ‘skinny’ for the first time since I was a child.

I will treat today like Day 1 of my diet.

100% all the way.

Hitting the first of these targets will be totally awesome.

Nothing or no one, including myself should stand in my way.

No messing.

I can do this.

I can totally do this. 

i can do this every morning