2

Week One, Day 572 – My Journey…Is Right on Time

A planned day off my diet, ended up being a week off my diet.

And so, on Saturday, I had yet another restart and so far, I’ve been 100% on my diet.

I am beginning to worry whether I will fail in this diet quest.

I obviously do not want to fail.

I am currently at a weight that is comfortable for me and I have never really managed to get below this sort of weight in any diet that I have been on.

Ever.

I have been on a quest to lose weight since age 9. I am 43 years old. 34 years of excessive fat is a long history to overcome. Even if I think of my weight struggles as an adult, since the age of 18, that means 25 years old of history. That’s a lot of years.

It is easy to give up.

It is easy to say that I have failed at every attempt to get to a healthy weight all my life and why should this time and this diet be any different.

It is easy to say that my history is very much against me.

It is easy to accept that maybe I’m just not meant to ever be a size 6.

It is easy to let the negativity get to me.

But self-love is about telling yourself the truth and being brutally honest with yourself.

Self-love is about admitting that there are all sorts of plans I have for my future that will never happen if I remain obese.

Self-love is about being the best version of myself that I can be.

Self-love is about reminding myself that I have survived 17 months of pure hell. That girl that thought that she didn’t want to live because her marriage ended, that girl who would cry herself to sleep over the heartbreak of the end of her marriage, survived that pure hell.

If I can survive 17 months of pure hell, surely I can control what goes from my hands to my mouth and therefore whether I remain obese forever or have a better life at a healthy weight.

I am channelling the me that  achieved ambitions way beyond all limitations even when I’m told by those who should know better to lower my expectations and ambitions.

I am channelling the me that achieved first class honours degree, distinction in post graduate studies, who won every single academic prize available and ended up  working in one of the top companies in the world in my professional field, before illness caused me to stop work.

own-hero

I am channelling the me that has a can do attitude that means that no is never the answer and who uses intelligence and creativity to create solutions for every problem that presents itself.

I am channelling the me that may have been dealt with a few bad hands by fate but is still standing and still finds reasons to smile.

I know the me above is still very much around, because that person is the only reason I could have survived my 17 months of hell.

That person can get to the end of this weight loss quest.

And so, I pledge that I do not care how often I fall down on this quest to break a weight problem of a lifetime, I will get up whenever I fail and I will carry on.

mirror-mirror

I do not care that every body else on the internet is losing all their excess weight in a few short months and my journey is taking forever. We are all different and we all have our own lives and quests to overcome.

This is my journey and it will take as long as it takes.

I do not care that my body doesn’t lose as much weight as everyone seem to do on the Cambridge diet, I will keep going.

I do not care that my body frustrates the hell out of me by often ceasing to lose weight when I am doing everything right, I will keep going until I reach my destination.

now-is-right-on-time

And so, here I am again, promising myself and everyone who has followed my weight loss quest that I will keep going until I hit a healthy weight or at least a weight that I have never achieved before given that I have no idea whether an NHS prescribed BMI friendly weight would look good on this 43 year old who has never been a healthy weight.

I am on yet another self-imposed 28 days challenge to lose a stone. The plan is to stay strictly on my diet except for one meal when a very good friend is taking me out to a very fancy restaurant for lunch. Yes, there is something like a free lunch…

And yes, it will be one lunch that will not be 100% on plan, but this time, it will stop at only one meal and not one week.

Week One, Day 572’s Verdict: today’s weight 90.1 kg, week’s weight loss 3.6 kg (7.9 pounds); total weight loss;  33.7 kg; 74.1 pounds; 5 stones 4 pounds

 

4

Week Two, Day 558: Let Them Eat…Salad

It’s been a frustrating week on the weight front.

I have done my bit by staying on my diet 100% and my body has simply refused to play ball. I was 89.8 kg on Saturday, and since then, it’s been ups and downs, mostly ups and today, I am 90.6 kg. 

The weather in London has been very hot all week, and my consultant Mandy thinks it could be water retention which would of course make sense even though I’m very good with water, drinking around 3600ml or more of water daily.

It could also be hormonal. For the first time in years, my period is over 10 days later.

And no, there is zero per cent chance of me being pregnant.

On the Cambridge diet, I am allowed 80g in total of specific vegetables daily. This week, I have been craving big bowls of salad, the sort of salad I used to have when I was low carbing. A big bowl full of goodness. A bowl of mixed green salads (allowed on Cambridge diet as part of 80g daily allowance), black olives (not allowed), cucumber (allowed), salad onions (allowed), sweetcorn (not allowed), carrots (not allowed), assorted peppers (only green pepper allowed), chick peas (allowed as part of daily protein allowance)

A voice in my head is constantly asking what sort of stupid diet means that I cannot have a big bowl of salad if I fancy one?

C’mon, no one has ever gained weight by eating just salad.

I tell that voice that this is the smallest I’ve been in years.

chopped salad

OK, screw all that. 

If I still don’t lose any weight tomorrow, I’m having roast lamb, sweet potatoes and a big bowl of salad this weekend.

There are worst crimes against dieting.

It’s not like I’m planning to eat pizzas and cakes…

And who knows, a departure from the norm might shock my body and kickstart weight loss once again.

Week Two, Day 558’s Verdict: today’s weight 90.6 kg, week’s weight loss 0.1 kg gain (0.22 pounds); total weight loss;  33.2 kg; 73.04 pounds; 5 stones 3 pounds

7

Week One, Day 550: Make the Rest of My Life…the Best of My Life

I haven’t posted for over a month even though I have a hell of a lot to report.

I’m not exactly sure why, other than perhaps I have been a little overwhelmed by the last few weeks and the reality that this is it, the rest of my life.

Let me explain…

Five weeks ago, my ex and I spent a very very very long day in court, as in went into court at 10 am and we were in and out to see the judge several times until we were finally thrown out just after 5 pm.

For anyone who has been following my diary, I am super thrilled to announce that the end result, is that I got the only thing that I had told my ex from Day 1 of the nightmare was non-negotiable; I get to live in my beautiful home where I have lived for over 12 years, and lovingly extended and refurbished in a 9 months from hell, which only ended a month before I found out about my ex ‘s affair.

No-Place-Like-Home-750x330

I am enormously relieved that I will not be forced out of my home or be forced to sell, something my ex had been pushing for even, in that second court hearing, including once giving me a 5 day ultimatum at some point, to agree to immediately sell my home.

My home will not be sold.

I can stay here for the rest of my life, should I choose to do so and in exactly 5 weeks time, my ex will transfer his share of the equity to my sole name.

I had not realised that I had psychologically stopped myself from enjoying my lovely home because of the uncertainties of whether or not I could stay here.

For the first time in 16 months, I can exhale.

I still find myself going around various rooms in my four bedroom home and my garden, enjoying various things, as if seeing them for the first time.

These roses and the rosemary bushes under the umbrella (in the pictures below) had been planted at a time when my fate seemed so uncertain; there is something to be said about the power of positive thinking.

garden august 2016garden roses august 2016

The saddest part of the settlement is the fact that in return for his share of his house, I will pay my ex, a figure that is exactly what I had instructed my lawyers to offer him in September 2015.

Instead of making a counter-offer and entering negotiations for settlement, my ex had refused the offer, refused to counter-offer and instead, we got heartbreaking crap like him asking for proof of serious illnesses he had witnessed first hand for 14.5 years and comments saying my desire to stay in my home of over 12 years was “aspirational.

Had my ex chosen to negotiate, this matter would have easily ended last year without the need for two court hearings, unbearable stress or both of us spending well in excess of £50,000 on legal fees.

litigation-only-makes-lawyers-fat-quote-1

The settlement reached by my ex and I was a clean break which means that any maintenance payments were consolidated into me having the lion share of the capital in my home, something I am very happy with as I am certain if there had been a maintenance order, my ex would have done anything to wiggle out of paying, including moving to another country, which he could easily do with his current bank job.

My lawyers had been opposed to a clean break which my ex had insisted upon.

In the end, following a very long day where my ex and his lawyers had behaved so badly, my solicitor and barrister had declared they had never dealt with such pettiness and unpleasantness.

In what was a most difficult day, I saw my lawyers transform from young, highly intelligent professionals, to human observers, giving me hugs, back and shoulder rubs, a few loud out loud explicit descriptions of the other side that most certainly helped to ease the tension, plus laughter and humour from the three of us on a very difficult day.

One of them summed up the day by saying.

“I am so happy you got your clean break and won’t have anything to do with this unpleasant man who would have wiggled out of any maintenance anyway. No amount of money would have compensated for having this nasty, little man in your life.”

I am extremely grateful to God for the deal reached at this second court hearing, which was massively better than what I would have gotten on a final hearing, especially when my barrister indicated that I would have had a 10% chance of keeping my beautiful home, if we had gone to a final hearing. 

i-have-so-much-to-be-thankful-for

Three weeks ago, my ex came to my home to collect the remainder of his things. I got the chance to ask him a few questions including why he asked for evidence of my illnesses or why his lawyer, who is in the same law firm as the sister of the woman he had an affair with, chose to email me on our wedding anniversary to say he wanted a divorce.

His answers to all were that he was “acting under legal advice.”

It’s called legal ADVICE for a reason.

Someone advises, and you, a thinking, intelligent, human being with free will, who isn’t a brainless, dead, zombie, will choose which advice to accept or/and modify, like any decent human being would do.

Asking for evidence of genuine illnesses you experienced first hand over 14.5 years and even attended various hospital appointments with me, or coming late by over 2 and a half hours without a mail, a text, a WhatsApp or anything to indicate your lateness but instead, bring along a locksmith to break into my home, is the act of a callous, heartless cad.

I also asked my ex why he has been so angry with me and what had caused him to behave as badly as he’s done. He said he wasn’t angry with me. He insisted he hadn’t behaved badly at all and all he had done was under “legal advisement

I do not need an apology from my ex to move on with my life but perhaps one day, if his madness ever clears, he might realise the devastation his behaviour has caused not just me, but my family, who did nothing but love him.

But what’s done is done and I have moved on.

The last few weeks have been full of activities, including raising a mortgage to pay for my ex’s share of my home. I have also managed to revert to my maiden name in most of my documents even though the decree absolute is still pending.

I have had a week of horrible back pains and the joys of the olympics, staying awake two nights to watch the incredible Usain Bolt win 100m and 200m gold medals.

I am very happy that this nightmare is finally over except for the extraordinary matter of my ex taking me to a very busy family court to fight over a 3 year old Mac Computer we shared when we lived together and which I have been using alone for the last 16 months that I have been on my own, even though he bought himself a new mac last year and is very much aware of the fact that I have continued to use this mac.

But that is a pathetic story for another day! Sadly, for him, one that shows that my ex remains mentally unstable, still in the middle of his mid-life crisis and completely disengaged from the real world.

I am a little overwhelmed that I now have the rest of my life to lead and it is down to me, no one else but me to make a success of it and to make it a fulfilled and happy life.

It is down to me to make the rest of my life, the best of my life

responsible for my own happiness

This is still primarily, a weight loss diary. So I must talk about that.

I have had weeks, months of ups and downs on the Cambridge diet. Lose weight, gain weight, lose weight, gain weight but it is finally time to concentrate, focus and stick with the diet. I worry whether I will ever get to the finish line but that will never happen, if I keep messing around.

And so, this Monday, after a crap week and a weekend where I purposely ate crap in other to effect a whoosh for a restart, I have once again, for the million times, restarted the Cambridge Diet.

I am on a personal challenge to lose 1 stone (6.4kg) in 28 days.

It is only Day 5 and I have already lost 5.1kg (11 pounds) and I am already 79.7% to the target of losing a stone by 12th September. 

I pledge to revert to reporting my weight every week. Perhaps that will help keep me on the diet.

73 loss

Week One, Day 550’s Verdict: today’s weight 90.5 kg, week’s weight loss 5.1 kg (11.22 pounds); total weight loss;  33.3 kg; 73.3 pounds; 5 stones 3 pounds

1

Day 499 -Am I Bothered? Me? Bothered?

My mantra for the week: I can’t be bothered to stress about things outside my control.

I got very passionate about my belief that the UK should REMAIN in the EU.

I did my bit by contributing to discussions, dragging myself to the polling station on a day that I was in such agony with back pain, I could hardly, sit, stand, let alone function. I even nagged my friends and family to get out and vote.

The nation voted OUT.

The prime minister has resigned, the labour party is in turmoil.

That seemingly impossible nightmare of an alternate universe where Boris Johnson is prime minister and Donald Trump president could be a stark reality.

Share prices have gone crazy. The pound has hit a low.

Hate crimes have increased because some arseholes now think the vote means that racism and xenophobia have been vindicated and can now be openly celebrated. Britain first power to the traitors, to quote the scumbag that killed Jo Cox MP.

But thank fuck the chancellor hasn’t abandoned ship.  

Like some who cannot quite believe that common sense has not prevailed, I joined the nearly 4 million that have signed a petition calling on a second referendum. I write to my MP pointing out that my London borough voted remain. I follow statements from the Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Scotland’s MPs may block Brexit. I look with scorn at Boris’ shock at the vote and his pathetic comments yesterday as the financial market went crazy that everything had miraculously settled. I look at even more disgust at the revolting Farage’s fuck you performance at today’s the EU meeting. My God, this prick is even worse than I thought.

I’m not in denial because I have accepted the fact that the majority have spoken and the UK will exit the EU. Everything else is probably an exercise in futility. But maybe, just maybe…

Whatever happens to our beloved country and the financial consequences that I might face as a result of Brexit, is outside my control.

I can’t be bothered to stress about things outside my control.

In other news, the divorce saga continues. April’s court was postponed because my ex didn’t comply with some court mandated documents in February and his excuse was similar to that old favourite – the dog ate my homework. There is yet another risk of July’s court being postponed because he has once again failed to return some documents he was being chased since early May. My lawyer will get final confirmation this week whether the July hearing will need to be postponed yet again. I hope that it doesn’t get postponed but I am resigned that this nightmare ends when it ends.

Whatever happens is outside my control. I can’t be bothered to stress about things outside my control.

am i bothered

What I am bothered about is losing weight and getting fit. That much is within my control.

I have set myself a challenge of 21 days of staying on my diet 100% after some bad days when I ate crap for four days.

I am on day 6 of 21 and I have done 6 days of being on my diet 100%.

If I can do 21 days, I can do another 21 days regardless of whether I am in court in July or whatever turmoil is happening in my life.

If I can stay on my diet for 3 months without fucking it up yet again, I can lose 2 stones.

If I can do 3 months, I can do another 3 months.

If I stay 100% focused, I could reach goal or be very near to it by Christmas.

Now that is something I can control.

I have full control of my hand and full control of my mouth. The movement from hand to mouth is within my control. I am not being controlled by some robot.

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Eating when I am stressed or depressed continues the vicious cycle of obesity.

It is time to finally break that cycle.

vicious_circle

Now that’s something worth being bothered about.

 

 

6

Day 397: Week 57 Weigh-In – Smash that Jinx

In every diet that I have been for as long as I can remember, I get to the 86 point something mark and it all goes to pants. The cycle of weight gain would commence and the vicious cycle of obesity.

Not this time.

I am super chuffed to announce that after a few weeks of ups, downs, wondering whether I will ever beat the 86 point something jinx, my official Cambridge diet weight is finally 85 point something.

I have not been this weight since the early 90s.

Here’s to the second part of this weight loss quest, the most important part, the part that finally takes me to a me that I have never been, a beautiful, healthy, slim woman.

I will not get complacent. I take nothing for granted. This is a battle of mind, body and soul. If I fall, I get up and keep going.

Stopping until I reach goal is not an option I am willing to take, for as long as it takes.

Week Fifty seven’s Verdict: today’s weight 85.8kg; week’s weight loss 1.4 kg (3.08 pounds); total weight loss 38.6 kg, 84.9 pounds, 6 stones 1 pound

85.8

2

Day 369: Week 53 Weigh-in – Six Stones Loss

Today is exactly 1 year and 4 days since I started the Cambridge Diet.

As the heading says, I am super chuffed to report that I have now lost exactly six stones.

I am totally stunned by the fact that if I lose just under a stone and a half, (9.4kg) my BMI will go from obese to overweight.

I have not been overweight since I was 18 years old.

This week, I have also noticed that I am actually smaller. I took a picture of myself trying some clothes out. I looked smaller. I had to make sure it wasn’t just the camera angle. I took another picture. And another. And another. And another.

There were no magical tricks by my phone camera. I have actually lost noticeable weight.

I was wearing size 12 clothes. I pinch myself but yes, I can wear size 12 clothes.

proud of myself

This weekend, I am having an all girls’ party. It will be fun and there will be lots of food. I will have a great time, enjoy a treat or two but I will try my best not to go mad.

Thank you to all of you that have stayed on this journey with me and supported me through it all. Still a way to go but I’ll get there.

thank you

Week Fifty three’s Verdict: today’s weight 86.1 kg, week’s weight loss 1.8 kg (3.96 pounds); total weight loss;  38.3 kg; 84.3 pounds; 6 stones 0.4 pounds

84

4

Day 325 – Care to Lose a Stone in 10 Weeks?

I had CBT therapy today and my therapist was very surprised when I told her how much weight I’ve lost so far. I guess it is difficult for someone who sees you regularly to realise that you’ve grown smaller. Either that or I am just huge…and still huge!

I’m energised with my weight loss quest and highly motivated to keep going and get to goal without messing around…too much.

So this year, I have set myself two mini targets to aim for, as well as a revised final target to reach goal weight, all with realistic and achievable timeframes – if I stick to the plan.

No messing.

lets fucking do this

All weights are based on my upstairs weight, wearing my nightie and not the official Cambridge Diet weight downstairs wearing the now tattered clothes I’ve won for every single official weigh-in.

Given that I have never been anywhere near the weight that takes my BMI into a healthy range (63.8kg; 10 stones) there is a chance that I might hit a weight that is more realistic for my body long before then and feel comfortable enough to start maintenance. For example, Dukan Diet, a diet that I have done with some success in the past, has calculated my realistic ideal weight based on my weight history, to be around 74kg; 11 stone 9. I suspect my real ideal weight might be more the Dukan weight than BMI but that’s a decision I would be very happy and extremely lucky to get to.

I am not doing New Year resolutions this year – it’s just a recipe for setting oneself up for failure. Instead, I choose to just get on with things and to try my utmost best to ensure that whatever crap (or joy) is going on in my life does not affect my weight loss journey.

I’ve got to do this one thing for myself. Lose weight.

Mini-Target One – Lose a Stone in 10 Weeks

By any weight-loss programme, losing a stone in 10 weeks is a realistic goal and I will be kicking myself if I don’t make this weight loss target.

If I hit this mini goal, I will be just another stone from my BMI becoming “overweight”. I have not been anywhere near overweight since I was 18 years old.

Starting Weight: 89.6kg; 14 stone 1

Starting Date: Tuesday 5th January, 2016

Goal Weight: 83.2kg; 13 stone 1

Goal Date: Tuesday 15th March, 2016

Total Weight-loss: 6.4 kg; 1 stone

Weeks to Target: 10 weeks

Weekly Weight Loss to Hit Goal: 0.64kg; 1.4lbs

Mini-Target Two – Best Birthday Present Ever: Become Overweight!

Starting Weight: 89.9kg; 14 stone 2

Starting Date: Monday 4th January, 2016

Goal Weight: 76.6kg; 12 stone

Goal Date: Monday 23rd May, 2016 (two weeks after my 43rd birthday)

Total Weight-loss: 13.3kg; 2 stone 1

Weeks to Target: 20 weeks

Weekly Weight Loss to Hit Goal: 0.67kg; 1.5lbs

Goal Weight Target – Hit Healthy BMI and Be Slim by End of Summer!

Starting weight: 90.6kg; 14 stone 3

Starting Date: Sunday 3rd January, 2016

Goal Weight: 63.8kg; 10 stone

Goal Date: Friday 30th September

Total Weight-loss: 26.8kg; 4 stone 3 pounds

Weeks to Target: 38 weeks and 5 days

Weekly Weight Loss to Hit Goal: 0.69kg; 1.5lbs

Would you like to join me in losing 1 stone in 10 weeks?

If so, please drop a comment here or check out the contact page and send me a private email. We can keep each other motivated and more importantly, accountable regardless of what weight loss or healthy regime you are on.

You can visualise what you might look at your idea weight like I have done in this post using Model My Diet.

Good luck to all of us.

Let’s kick some (fat) arse.

2

Day 297 – I Am Accountable to You.

I have had a lot of love from perfect strangers who read this blog.

I feel a sense of responsibility to the people who write to tell me that I inspire them to lose weight. I owe it to them to get to the end of this weight loss journey.

I am losing weight for myself.

But today, I pledge to lose weight for every single person who follows this blog especially those who have written to say that my journey has inspired them.

I am accountable to all of you and I’m doing this not just for me but for you too.

I will try my hardest to make myself proud and to make you proud of me.

I will not disappoint you.

accountable (1)

If I can lose weight through the implosion of my life as I knew it and the marital breakdown from hell, anyone can lose weight.

Last night my little sister called me to cheer me up as she knew I was down and she succeeded. She’s adorable.

We also talked about my diet. She told me it’s totally not worth it to give up and gain back the weight. She reminded me how far I’ve already come in this journey. I reiterated the fighting talk that giving up is not an option and I meant it.

Today is a new page in my weight loss journey.

I know how easy it is to lose a bunch of weight and put it all back again. I’ve been there countless times in my life.

It is finally time to man up and break that cycle of weight loss, weight gain, weight loss, on and on and on again on a rollercoaster of obesity.

Eating crap will not change my difficult circumstances.

Eating crap will not help me reorganise the aspects of my life I need to figure out as I move on in my life.

Feeling down is not a license to eat crap; shit happens, deal with it or drown with it.

Eating crap will only extend this journey as reflected in my Monitor Your Weight App every time I gain weight.

Eating crap will not give me the freedom to do all those things that obesity has stopped me from doing or live all those secret dreams.

Eating crap may temporary give me the high of comfort eating but it is only a very short relief that brings on other negative feelings and weight gain which do not help in the short term, let alone in the longer term.

important

Today is the start of a re-energised crack at losing the four stones that will take me into a healthy weight.

The timing is very bad as a taxi driver reminded me yesterday as we traded dieting history. True, it sucks to be thinking of a renewed vigour in my weight loss journey with Christmas lurking around the corner and other potential temptations such as a party at the weekend and a lunch early next week.

But the reality is that real life will never suspend itself to make every aspect of life perfectly conducive for weight loss.

I will not cancel Christmas which I expect to be a junk fest with three young children. I will not hide away at home and not attend this party or the lunch.

I will live life and just make better choices when I’m out of the bubble of home. And of course make the right choices when I’m at home too.

For the next few days or however long it takes to sort my head and stay 100% on this diet, I will be posting every single thing I eat and drink.

I will try my best to stay 100% on my diet but even if I fail, every morsel that goes from my hand to my mouth will be reported truthfully and completely in this diary.

I am accountable to you.

accountability8-p1

2

Day 296: Why am I doing this again?

This diary started as a record of yet another weight loss journey.

It has now become much more than just that.

It has become my journey of surviving my annus horribilis with my mental and physical health as in tact as I can muster.

Some days are a struggle but I am certain that one day, the dark entries on this diary will seem like a long forgotten era.

is it over yet

Days like today though, I thoroughly resent the fact that instead of focussing my energy on the million and one things that I ought to be doing to move on with my life, figuring out how to make various impossible changes, my energy, time, money are being wasted because the person who chose to end our marriage has chosen to make the process as impossible as he can muster.

Moving on is impossible when your day and mind is still occupied with unpleasant crap.

dont-confuse-your-path

I have struggled this week to stay on my diet for various reasons.

I am bored with the diet, I want to have more choices but with all the crap going on right now, I can’t really blame the diet. Food may not be leisure but it gives me pleasure. The imp on my shoulder tells me that I’m having a crap few weeks, if eating crap makes me feel a little better, so be it. I know better than that because ultimately, weight gain doesn’t help. I am restless, I am depressed (strong word, I know), I am emotional, I am on my period.

When you have spent all your life crutching on bad food choices when down, it is a cycle that is not easy to break. I will not make excuses for myself.

I take full responsibility for my actions but if breaking the vicious cycle of obesity was an easy feat, there would be no fat person.

the-buck-stops-here1

I needed a reminder of why I am on this weight loss journey.

Fighting talk but I will not stop until I get to an end goal however, the stops and starts make that target seem further and further away.

I can only take it one day at a time; or even one meal at a time.

On 5th January, I wrote a list of reasons why I wanted to lose weight. I revisited those reasons in a  post back in March 2015. Time to revisit those reasons; hopefully they might inspire me to stay on track.

1. Nearly as fat as prior to previous weight loss. [Not anymore. I have lost 5 1/2 stones. Another 3 stones will be truly life changing.]
2. Feel huge, expanded, wide, my clothes can barely fit me. [Not anymore. I now rock jeans. My clothes are loose but imagine how good I will feel if I lose a couple more stones?]
3. Too fat to walk, function, get in and out of bed, in and out of bath. [Those days are well and truly gone!]
4. My beautiful house deserves a beautiful resident. [Give myself a break. I am beautiful fat or slim]
5. My insides must be awful to correspond with the outside. [Easy woman. Note no 4. How about that break?]
6. Spots on face and sore starting on side. [Sore gone. Only occasional stress spots. Tough year!]
7. New chair will feel silly and forced with fat resident. [I now rock that fancy chair.]
8. Slim down, get fit. [Hear hear. Let’s keep doing it. Rome wasn’t built in a day.]
9. Forget sex, can barely move legs. [Most definitely no longer true!]
10. Tray in aircraft, so embarrassing. [That fat moment when your food tray hangs mid air because you are too fat – I’m not that girl any more.]
11. I’m acting like I’ve given up on babies. [Let’s not talk about babies!]
12. I felt hot slimmer. This is ridiculous. [Yep, bring on the H.O.T. me.]
13. Hand -> mouth -> fat [That’s right. Nothing passes this mouth without my say so. You tell yourself that!]

14. Dicing with diabetes. [I have PCOS, diabetes is the next step. Not happening to this chick. No way!]
15. Restricted life. Imagine all I can do on holiday if slim. [Well…so let’s keep going then.]
16. Stupid to be this fat. [Extremely stupid to be fat when I can do something about it. I’m doing it.]
17. Struggled to walk in plane. What’s the alternative, wee in pants as too fat and lacking in confidence to walk in plane? [That fat feeling when you walk in turbulence or worry about fitting into plane’s toilet.]
18. Babies, babies, babies, babies. [Get the memo. Enough of the baby talk!]
19. Get fit, feel better. [I hear you. Let’s keep doing what we’re doing.]
20. Strain on chair max exceeded as of today. [Not anymore. I’m good with that and most chairs]
21. Strain on brand new baths. They will crack. No contest. They really will. [They won’t, not anymore.]
22. Make myself proud again. [Done! I am proud of myself. Note to self: Keep making yourself proud.]
23. Start something, finish it FFS. [I start, I finish. No messing. Fighting talk!]
24. Promise St Thomas doctor. [I told a doctor I would be 40 and slim or 40 and fat from pregnancy. I failed. So what? I can be 43 and nearly slim if I keep to the diet. What’s a few years between friends?]
25. In my 40s, downhill all the way, ill-health in old age. I have time to sort it out now or misery ahead. [Am I trying to depress myself to fuck?! Enough already with the old age!]
26. DH doesn’t deserve a fat wife. [DH who? Please. That ship sunk deeper than the Titanic. I am doing this for me!]

beige room

Chip Away The Fat – One Pound at a Time. Yes I CAN.

2

Day 257: Week 37 Weigh-In – Note to Self: Must Do Better.

I have had a mixed week and a half on the diet.

I guess part of it is that I have been on the Cambridge Diet for 8 and a half months. By the standards that every other person on all other Facebook pages seem to lose weight, I should have been losing an average of a stone a month. I am nowhere near losing anything like that amount of weight and it gets demoralising on a low calorie diet where I eat three manufactured products daily.

My metabolism might also be a bit fucked because a lunch just over a week ago, resulted in a 1kg weight gain and eating carbs (and lots of it) in a party at the weekend, meant a 2kg weight gain in one day. I therefore found myself with a total 3.6kg gain in just 4 days.

My bad.

I have nearly lost all the weight gain and even though it’s disappointing that I don’t lose as much weight as other people, I have to stay on the diet 100% to shift the weight.

I have an event in two weeks’ time and my challenge is to stay on the diet 100% until that event.

The week hasn’t been great in that I had very bad tummy for two full days following my carb porn. That would teach me. A great outcome of the bad tummy is losing 2.9 kg (6.4 pounds) in 3 days.

I won’t recommend that weight loss regime.

I also have flu with all its bells and whistles. So much for that flu vaccination a few short weeks ago. I am avoiding sugary sore throat and cough sweets. This will get better when it gets better.

This diet is a lifeline and I will not keep fucking it up.

I have given myself until end of May 2016 to get to a healthy weight and as you can see from the Monitor Your Weight App Screenshot below, I am still pretty much on track to hit that target.

Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-49-54

Note to self: Must do better.

I must not become complacent with this diet because it is still the most weight I have lost, in the quickest time, of any diet that I have ever been on.

Week Thirty Seven’s Verdict: today’s weight 88.9 kg, week’s weight loss 0.8 kg (1.76 pounds); total weight loss; 35.5 kg; 78.1 pounds; 5 stones 8 pounds