2

Day 285: Week 41 Weigh-in – Flying Solo

I haven’t posted here for a few weeks. As always, thank you to those that have been in touch to make sure that I am OK.

I am OK. In fact, I am much better than just OK.

The last few weeks have been eventful to say the least. In fact, without being overly melodramatic, the last few weeks have been life-changing and life-affirming and I will one day write more about them.

The main things to share include the fact that I am at peace with my single life. I am at peace with flying solo. I am at peace with being by myself. I am at peace with however my financial circumstances pan out after the courts next year because I will be just fine.

I am a survivor.

flying solo

The last few weeks have firmly stamped on my head that in spite of all the crap from this year, I am still an attractive woman who men find desirable. In a few years time when I have fully healed and rediscovered myself, I may pursue relationships.

And if I ever have a man in my life, he will be there to complement my life and not to complete it. No man will ever become my whole life. I am enough for myself.

My life can still be full of possibilities, full of joys, happiness, pleasures, adventures, new memories. I can make all these things happen for myself without needing a significant other.

work-in-progress

I am not saying that the last few weeks mean that I am fully recovered from the devastation of this year but I have certainly had a major turn.

I am still a work in progress.

Next week, I will see my amazing psychotherapist for yet another therapy session. I also have an appointment with my psychiatrist and I will probably stay on medication for the foreseeable future but that is fine. I am not ashamed of help.

no matter what

On the Cambridge diet front, for several reasons, I took a planned break from the diet but I am back on it 100% this week. I fully appreciate that every other diet that I have been on in the past with some degree of success gets to this stage, where my weight is in the 80s and fails because I become comfortable and complacent.

This time, I am determined to get to the end of a weight loss journey. I will do it.

Watch this space.

i may not be

Week Forty One’s Verdict: today’s weight 89.6 kg, week’s weight loss 5.5 kg (12.16 pounds); total weight loss; 34.8 kg; 76.6 pounds; 5 stones 6.7 pounds

Advertisements
7

Day 117 Weigh-in – Sorry for the Long Silence…

I haven’t died…yet.

I haven’t fallen off the diet wagon…not going to happen.

I am still on Step 3, eating 1000 calories a day, plus drinking at 3.6 litres of water.

I am still 100% on the diet…hell yes.

If it takes me a long while to update this diary again, please don’t give up on me. Instead, please send some positive energy my way. If you’re spiritual, please say a little prayer for me.

I have been quiet because real life (pre-divorce crap) has made me very ill. It has completely overwhelmed me and I am not doing well at all.

I am trying my best not to completely drown in a sea of totally incomprehensible and inexplicable hatred, stone-heartedness, bitterness, aggression, arrogance and wickedness coming from the other side. I’m constantly dodging bullets in what can only be described as psychological warfare.

Screw bullets, I’m constantly dodging persistent nuclear attacks.

nuclear attack

There is only so much the human head, heart and body can cope with and I reached my limits long ago but the incomprehensible attacks keep coming.

I dare anyone, no matter how strong they think that they are, to walk in my shoes, deal with the level of continuing vicious crap, betrayals and heartbreaks that I continue to contend with and to survive the last four months without physical and psychological damage.

My days are filled with crap, crap and more crap.

It’s not all doom and gloom. I have the help of a wonderful family and a few good friends. I have a good lawyer. I have medical help in the form of medication and CBT therapy but it will take some time to figure out the right combination of things that will help.

I have now lost count of the last time I had a good night sleep. Things on the sleep front are extremely bad indeed.

I thank all you kind souls who have written to ask how I am. I also thank those of you who keep visiting this blog to check for news even though there’s been nothing for a couple of weeks.

thank you

The kindness of strangers will continue to restore my shattered fate in humanity and decency.

stranger

It doesn’t matter that my life has gone to utter shite.

It doesn’t matter that my watch has been stuck on crazy o’clock since Tuesday 24th February, 2015.

All that matters is that I am still chipping away the fat.

I am still sticking to my diet against unbelievable odds. I am still losing weight and therefore, it’s all good in the hood.

In 16 weeks and four days on the Cambridge Weight Plan, the marriage breakdown from hell, psychological warfare, nuclear attacks, nightmare separation/divorce, depression, severe insomnia, severe stress, anxiety, recurring whiplash, excruciating back pain, days so dark I mope and cry, the shattering of my life and trust, hospitals, clinics, pills, lawyers, insurmountable challenges to deal with changes in every aspect of my life as I knew it, challenges to the way I have to survive and live my life….

In the middle of all that crap, I am still chipping away the fat.

I have now lost…

Wait for it…

Are you ready…

You sure?

Awight then.

In 116 full days on the Cambridge diet, I’ve lost just over…

51 pounds; 23.3 kg; 3 stones and 9 pounds!

Week Seventeen’s verdict: today’s weight 101.1kg, week’s weight loss 2 kg (4.4 pounds); total weight loss; 23.3 kg ( 51.3 pounds)

51

OMFG.

I’m beginning to look hot again…well if I can just photoshop the massive bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, the permanent stress brows, the dejected look of heartbreak, depression and stress…

Fuck all that…I look HOT.

Next mini target is to get under 100 kg. I’ll scream the day I see 99.9 kg on that scale. The mini target after that is to hit the four stones loss.

I am 5 pounds away from losing four stones.

OMG

Go me.

GIVE-YOURSELF-A-HUG