1

Day 499 -Am I Bothered? Me? Bothered?

My mantra for the week: I can’t be bothered to stress about things outside my control.

I got very passionate about my belief that the UK should REMAIN in the EU.

I did my bit by contributing to discussions, dragging myself to the polling station on a day that I was in such agony with back pain, I could hardly, sit, stand, let alone function. I even nagged my friends and family to get out and vote.

The nation voted OUT.

The prime minister has resigned, the labour party is in turmoil.

That seemingly impossible nightmare of an alternate universe where Boris Johnson is prime minister and Donald Trump president could be a stark reality.

Share prices have gone crazy. The pound has hit a low.

Hate crimes have increased because some arseholes now think the vote means that racism and xenophobia have been vindicated and can now be openly celebrated. Britain first power to the traitors, to quote the scumbag that killed Jo Cox MP.

But thank fuck the chancellor hasn’t abandoned ship.  

Like some who cannot quite believe that common sense has not prevailed, I joined the nearly 4 million that have signed a petition calling on a second referendum. I write to my MP pointing out that my London borough voted remain. I follow statements from the Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Scotland’s MPs may block Brexit. I look with scorn at Boris’ shock at the vote and his pathetic comments yesterday as the financial market went crazy that everything had miraculously settled. I look at even more disgust at the revolting Farage’s fuck you performance at today’s the EU meeting. My God, this prick is even worse than I thought.

I’m not in denial because I have accepted the fact that the majority have spoken and the UK will exit the EU. Everything else is probably an exercise in futility. But maybe, just maybe…

Whatever happens to our beloved country and the financial consequences that I might face as a result of Brexit, is outside my control.

I can’t be bothered to stress about things outside my control.

In other news, the divorce saga continues. April’s court was postponed because my ex didn’t comply with some court mandated documents in February and his excuse was similar to that old favourite – the dog ate my homework. There is yet another risk of July’s court being postponed because he has once again failed to return some documents he was being chased since early May. My lawyer will get final confirmation this week whether the July hearing will need to be postponed yet again. I hope that it doesn’t get postponed but I am resigned that this nightmare ends when it ends.

Whatever happens is outside my control. I can’t be bothered to stress about things outside my control.

am i bothered

What I am bothered about is losing weight and getting fit. That much is within my control.

I have set myself a challenge of 21 days of staying on my diet 100% after some bad days when I ate crap for four days.

I am on day 6 of 21 and I have done 6 days of being on my diet 100%.

If I can do 21 days, I can do another 21 days regardless of whether I am in court in July or whatever turmoil is happening in my life.

If I can stay on my diet for 3 months without fucking it up yet again, I can lose 2 stones.

If I can do 3 months, I can do another 3 months.

If I stay 100% focused, I could reach goal or be very near to it by Christmas.

Now that is something I can control.

I have full control of my hand and full control of my mouth. The movement from hand to mouth is within my control. I am not being controlled by some robot.

from-hand-to-mouth-pavlobaron-1-728

Eating when I am stressed or depressed continues the vicious cycle of obesity.

It is time to finally break that cycle.

vicious_circle

Now that’s something worth being bothered about.

 

 

1

Day 484 -My Dinners Rock: Lentil & Chicken Curry with Cauliflower Mash

Day 8 of staying 100% on my diet. Last week, I worked out 3 days, aiming for the same this week.

My workout today was basically 10 minutes easy ride on a recliner bike, 10 mins easy cycle on TechnoGym’s Top XT which is basically like cycling with your arms, and using 2.5lbs dumbbell and yoga band, I did three exercises that work the biceps and triceps, doing 30 repetitions of each exercise.

At the end of my work out, I had an egg. Given that I am on a low calorie diet, I am not going mad in the gym.

Another magnificent low carb, low fat and low calorie dinner suitable for Step 2 of the Cambridge Diet or any diet or just healthy eating.

This time lentil and chicken curry with cauliflower mash. This tasted like restaurant quality food and I couldn’t believe I can eat food this amazing on a diet.

Yep, I made chicken and lentil curry without typical ingredients like yogurt, tomatoes and oil and it still tasted amazingly fabulous.

Curry 3 June 2016

The cauliflower mash came about from a disastrous blending of cauliflower – I couldn’t be bothered to grate into rice size and used the wrong blender which required water. I got a milky consistency which I added a little garlic salt, black pepper and cayenne pepper and decided to experiment – the result was sumptuous.

Not the best picture of the cauliflower but it hopefully shows the milky consistency I started with…

Note to self: check photos on your crappy phone!

Cauliflower June 2016

For the Cauliflower mash

Blend 80g of cauliflower with water to get a milky consistency.

Season with a little garlic salt, black pepper and cayenne chilli or whatever you like

Spray pan with coconut one calorie spray and simmer for about 10 minutes

Transfer the pan to oven pre-heated to 220C and cook for another 10 minutes or until slightly brown.

Serve with fresh basil

Curry 1 June 2016

For the lentil and chicken curry.

Ingredients

40g red lentil – dried weight

125g of chicken

Tumeric

Cumin

Ground corriander

Paprika

Curry powder

Garam masala

Garlic salt

Fresh garlic

Fresh ginger

A little low salt vegetable stock

Two teaspoons of milk

Coconut light spray

Method

  1. Boil red lentil briskly for 10 minutes and then simmer for another 10 minutes. Set aside
  2. Combine the turmeric, cumin, ground coriander, paprika, garlic salt, curry powder, garam masala with tea spoons of milk to make a curry paste. Set aside.
  3. Cube the chicken, chop garlic, ginger and using a little bit of the curry paste, marinate the chicken with garlic, ginger and a little paste. Leave in the fridge for an hour or until you want to cook.
  4. Pan fry the chicken with the garlic, ginger, and remaining paste turning once browned.I made sure my chicken is cooked before starting the next step. You can’t be too careful with chicken.
  5. Dissolve a little low salt stock in warm water and add the stock to the chicken, simmer for 10 minutes, checking and adding more water if required.

 

Curry 2 June 2016

6. Add the cooked lentil to the chicken mix. Combine properly and simmer for another 10 minutes adding water if required.

7. Serve with fresh basil.

Verdict: I cannot begin to explain how super yummy this was. Smacks lips.

Curry 4 June 2016

 

 

2

Day 480 – Carb Free Prawns and Egg Fried with Cauliflower Rice

I am trying to keep my diet fresh and exciting by trying something new daily.

Cambridge weight plan step 2 means that I basically have one cooked food once a day, with 80g of vegetables from an allowed list. The other meals, consist of milk from a weighed allowance and three Cambridge weight plan products, in my case usually the porridge, yogurt bar and peanut bar.

Experimenting with my evening meal instead of basically eating the same thing every single plan has allowed me to experience some previously untried flavours.

Last night’s dinner was this seriously yummy prawns and egg fried rice with no rice. Yes, instead of rice, I grated cauliflower and used that in place of rice.

Guilt free, low carb and off the scale yummy.

prawns june 2016

I weighed out 125 g of frozen prawns (half of my protein allowance, the other half being 1 egg) and because I like to marinate food, I added some fresh basil leaves and Thai chilli and left the prawns in the fridge to defrost.

prawns 2

I grated 80g of cauliflower so it looks like rice. You can use a blender if you prefer. I also chopped a little ginger, garlic and one spring onions.

prawns 3

Using one calorie spray oil, I used garlic oil as I like garlic but you can use any oil, I pan fried the prawns, chilli, garlic and ginger, for 1 to 2 minutes until pink.

I then added one beaten egg, allowing the egg to fry a little before scrambling, for about 1 minute.

prawns 4

Lastly, I added the cauliflower rice and a teaspoon of light soy sauce, tossed everything around to mix properly, before adding the spring onions last and stir frying.

prawns 5

Viola. Yummy goodness, served with some basil leaves. You can serve with coriander if you prefer.

Verdict: Off the scale yummyness.

2

Day 479 – Easy, Quick and Tasty Kale Crisps

If you’re on a diet and fancy something tasty, crunchy, healthy, guilt free and very quick to prepare, try this.

It could also be eaten as part of your vegetable allowances in Step 2 of the Cambridge Weight Plan:

Kale crisps

Ingredients

60g of Sliced Kale (you may wish to remove the stalks but I leave mine as I like munching on these)
Garlic salt or ordinary salt if you prefer
Black pepper
Experiment with any spices you like but don’t use too much as the dried product soaks up the spices
I use a bit of cayenne pepper, paprika and cumin to give it a tick
1 calorie fly light, I experiment with garlic spray, chilli spray and even the coconut spray to give it  twist.

Method

1. Wash your kale and soak up the excess water with kitchen paper towels. The less water remaining, the quicker this will crisp up in the microwave.
2. Spray a microwavable plate with the one calorie oil and spread out the kale evenly and thinly on the plate.
3. Season the kale to your taste, making sure the seasoning is evenly spread.
4. Spray the top of the kale with one calorie spray.
5. Place in the microwave and cook on full power for 3 minutes
6. After 3 minutes, check and continue cooking in increment of 30 seconds to 1 minute until the level of crispiness is achieved.
7. Note that if the water is drained and removed vigorously from the kale, it crisps in about 4 to 5 minutes. However, if it isn’t drained and soaked up properly, it might take 6 to 8 minutes to crisp.
8. Serve and eat immediately.

I haven’t experimented with storage to keep the crispiness….as these are seriously yummy and are gone!

5

Day 478 – Changing the Narratives

My last post upset a lot of people, I am very sorry about that, but that’s life, with it’s ups and downs and this blog is my space to be honest about my feelings.

I’m definitely on the UP from Sunday night.

I spent much of Monday still very teary but also actively trying to lift my mood.

I ate well, kept to my diet, had fish (whole sea bream) for supper as I believe Omega 3 is a natural anti-depressant and when I needed a snack, I made some yummy crispy kale, recipe coming up.

Even through the tears, I listened to my I Will Survive playlist on a loop. I wrote about some of the songs in that playlist in a blog on the link above.

Vitamin D and exercise are natural anti-depressants and I therefore spent some time outside in the sunshine attending to my herb garden with the fragrance emitted from 5 newly planted rosemary bushes, three types of thymes, mint, chives, another more established rosemary bush etc.

I also attended to some newly planted evergreen clematis that are already climbing through my pergola even though they were only planted in April.

I watered and fed the newly planted red bush hedges and newly planted red roses and climbing pink roses which have already magically produced a lot of flowers even though they were also only planted this April. My gardener swears a specific plant food he made me purchase have resulted in the buds. I’m inclined to believe him as I don’t understand how else roses planted in April will already produce so many flowers.

Roses June 2016

As an aside, last year, I had refused to plant anything new in the garden because of the uncertainties with settling our finances. This year, I decided that I would no longer suspend my life waiting for a protracted divorce process to conclude.

I need to tap into that defiance and that refusal to let anyone steal my joie de vivre.

I also ordered myself some flowers with a card for myself that included the words of one of my very kind readers (thanks J), who had written privately yesterday. She reminded me to just breath, take it one day at a time and that this too shall pass.

I figured flowers were definitely a better option than greasy takeaways.

Flowers June 2016

Today, I am eating well and given as it was raining, I worked out in the gym instead. I have decided to restart working out regularly, regardless of whether it slows down the weight loss, because it will help my mental health going forward. However, nothing too crazy, just gentle exercises because I’m on a low calorie diet. I will also slightly increase my food intake from 800 calories, perhaps having an extra protein bar or egg after working out.

Yesterday, the friend who had spent Friday night at mine continued to call me endlessly and she said she was about to call the police, when she hadn’t heard from me in over 36 hours. We usually talk and text countless times daily. When I finally replied to say that I was OK and was just dealing with the headfuck of the anniversary, she reminded me of my WhatsApp Status:

Change the Narratives

Flip Your story

Turn your negatives to positives

Dream, believe, achieve

And so, I am changing the narratives.

I am dragging myself out from the low moods.

I am a survivor.

I have the strength to see this nightmare divorce through to its conclusion.

I am a warrior.

I am a winner.

I won’t let the bastard or “douche lord” (thanks J) grind me down.

 

1

Day 458: Thank You All for the Inspiration

I chose to have a planned two week break from my diet (more on all that another time) but I am back, with renewed vigour and inspiration to get to the end of this journey. I restarted the diet on Sunday, as planned.

I read about other people on the Cambridge diet losing gazillion amounts of weight in no time at all.

My journey is different.

I have sort of taken the scenic view with the diet, with so much emotional turmoil and changes in my life, I am fine with the fact that my journey will be more of a marathon than a sprint but I will get to my destination, that much I am certain.

I promise myself and every single person that has supported this diary, that come what may, no matter whatever else is happening in my life or however long it takes me, I will not stop until I get to an ideal weight that is right for me. That is no excuse though to mess around on this diet.

The plan is to concentrate in the next 5 months, and as much as I can, stick to the diet 100% and hopefully, finally, get to the end of this journey. If it takes me more than 5 months, I will keep going, that timeframe is not set in stone.

three tyres

Which brings me to what I’d like to say with this post…

I have received a lot of love and support through this diary and those that have contacted me on private emails and Facebook. See Contact for details.

You write to tell me how my diary inspire you but this is the thing, you all inspire me right back. 

You inspire me to keep going with this diet knowing that I owe it not only to myself but to all those who have invested their time, energy and even emotions following my quest, to succeed.

Your support inspire me to keep going. I feel like I have a world full of strangers propping me up to stay on my diet and to keep going.

ThankYou-InspireMe

I thank every one of you that follow this blog and in particular, those of you that take the time to share your thoughts. 

I wish to share a few comments.

This post will be endless if I share every single post that has warmed my heart but please know that your comments mean the world to me.

These are only a few to say thank you all for following my journey and inspiring me to keep going.

The kindness of strangers never cease to amaze me.

stranger

D

MAY 3, 2016 AT 4:50 PM | EDIT

Hi! I just read your entire blog in a day and a half. Thank you so much for writing this. I identify wit so much of what you have written. I’m struggling with weight issues and am on day 1 of the cambridge diet. This is so inspirational. Thank you for taking us on your journey. I look foward to keeping up with this blog. All the best to you! by D

Moremi

OCTOBER 21, 2015 AT 11:35 AM | EDIT

I am so proud of you. Most women would have given up and lets the woes of life eat them up but you have persevered. I started my Cambridge diet today and someone like yourself truly inspires me. So girl, I suggest you continue this journey, pick yourself up, look fly as hell and find love all over again. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER A MAN WHO IS WORTH YOUR TEARS WOULD NEVER MAKE YOU CRY IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Sara C

MAY 14, 2016 AT 9:35 PM | EDIT

So, I suspect like many others, I happened upon your blogs when my usual forum support had gone a bit quiet and was looking for a bit of week 7 encouragement.
Instead I found myself reading your entire year’s worth of blogs, laughing, crying, gasping and sighing in turn. What a year you’ve had. And in spite of all the heartache you’ve stayed strong and achieved incredible weight loss. I’m literally in awe of you. Thank you for your thought provoking, heartbreaking and inspirational words.
Next time I’m feeling sorry for myself and craving toast, I’ll remind myself of your inner strength and determination.
Please keep blogging. I feel like I’ve found a new friend 😊😊

Kathia

MAY 14, 2016 AT 12:50 PM | EDIT

Congratulations! You are my inspiration. I recently had a baby and I gained some weight. So after 6 months I decided to start the cambridge diet. This is my first week and it is day 4, and I have lost 5.5lbs. It is hard but your blog will inspired me.
Thank You.

Livia

FEBRUARY 21, 2016 AT 7:28 PM | EDIT

You are a terrific writer and know how to totally engage your audience. I feel you and the drastic change to ur life. Hold on to the good memories and build better ones. Good luck.

Joanne

JANUARY 30, 2016 AT 8:27 PM | EDIT

Hi again…i was just googling first week of step 2 because on day 3 and 4 i was feeling awful, really weak and tired and dizzy and i wanted to see if it was normal and ur blog came up…it instantly gripped me like a really good book…u should actually write a book beacause ur an amazing writer! Im raging ive caught up to present day cause now ive nothin to read lol. I started at 11st 5lb on the 13th jan….so far ive lost 6lb and i want to b 9st 7lb but initially it was as an emergency as ive a trip to norway in 2 weeks and id gained 1st 5lb since august and didnt fit in anything! So get weighed again tues..fingers crossed for 3 more lb xx

Livia

FEBRUARY 7, 2016 AT 10:17 PM | EDIT

I love your blog. Your life is like a sad movie but yet you are living it and doing great. Stay positive always.

mich1975

JANUARY 22, 2016 AT 4:16 PM | EDIT

To go through what you’re going through and still not be giving up on a diet is beyond admirable- be gentle and kind to you, you’re weathering a ginormous storm. Which I have no doubt you’ll come out feeling stronger than ever. Your weightloss is an inspiration to me. I feel like coming right over and giving you the biggest hug ever. Keep on writing. For you, and selfishly for me. xxxxxx

Mycambridgedietsite

JANUARY 22, 2016 AT 10:34 PM | EDIT

Your success so far is amazing. I went to see this dietician once who was fantastic. She said to me that I had to remember that sometimes our body needs the comfort of the familiar when we are going through a particular period of stress and it is OK to eat those foods that bring you comfort and not feel guilty about it as long as you acknowledge it was for that point in time and you accept the impact and that you don’t let it influence you going forward. I know its easier said then done but I find it helps a little. Basically accept you needed it and don’t let guilt or disappointment derail you. Good luck I know its still a difficult time for you.

Livia

JANUARY 21, 2016 AT 11:25 PM | EDIT

Your story is such a beautiful one. In times of adversities God sends us helpers. You have lost the “love of your life”, but you have gained a lot more. You attract goodness because you are a good person. Your life is just beginning. Ehugs to the friend that stayed over, the young solicitor and others who made what could have been a bad day, okay. Keep forging ahead.

Jenxx

OCTOBER 21, 2015 AT 5:34 AM | EDIT

There will be sunshine and there will be rainbows hunny so stay focused on that.

Xx

Jane

OCTOBER 13, 2015 AT 2:05 PM | EDIT

Stumbled across your blog whilst looking for some CWP step 2 recipes. Sorry to hear of your marriage breakup earlier this year. I went through this 17 years ago when I was 37. After several years of struggling by, followed by a breakdown and a couple of years of seriously needed therapy I started to find ME! I am now almost 55, remarried to a wonderful guy (what I ever saw in the previous one I don’t know😉 ) I know myself and am very content, depsite being obese. I believe I’m now in a place to REALLY tackle my fat issues and wish you all the very best in your continuing weight loss and in healing the wounds that you are currently experiencing. Things really do get better, but you are the only one who can make that happen. Hang on in there girl! Warmest wishes x

Sandy

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 AT 7:06 AM | EDIT

You are so brave.
I’m thinking of you.
Sending love and peace. Xx

Jen

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 AT 12:56 PM | EDIT

So sorry to hear about your Mum. Hope she is recovering well

Your courage and resilliance to what is a horrid situation never ceases to amaze me. Look at the flowers and remember all the wonderful people that you have in your life. He will regret his decisions and she will live her life waiting for him to do the same to her

Stay strong

xx

Ani

SEPTEMBER 12, 2015 AT 7:39 AM | EDIT

You are that..a survivor and you will come out triumphant and stronger, a whole new person physically, mentally and emotionally. But your ex will still be that weak, coward, wimpy guy and you will look back and hit yourself for allowing him to get even a piece of you. He was just lucky you even loved him when he wasnt deserving of any. The thing is, he is the one who ran out of luck. Keep going, stay strong and beutiful.

Lekpa Wannabe

AUGUST 28, 2015 AT 8:23 PM | EDIT

This is such an amazing read. It’s clear to some of us that have followed your journey on this blog that you are so over your rat ex. You go girl! you deserve so much better than a cheating coward, fuck the divorce crap and just live life to the fullest

June

AUGUST 6, 2015 AT 9:36 AM | EDIT

Five years ago this was my life. Only I carried on with the food crutch so you are stronger than perhaps you realise. Just read this entire blog. Cried and laughed with you. Know you aren’t alone, know you are pushing others like me to be stronger (on the diet front in my case) and know it does (believe me I was the girl who used to ask my flatmate if we could sleep with our doors open because I thought I would die in the night from excessive crying or a bad panic attack. I had about three a night for best part of a year) it does…. Get better. Better than better. It becomes the best. You will find yourself in the best relationship ever …. One with yourself. X thanks for sharing your journey xx

Christine

JULY 6, 2015 AT 6:13 AM | EDIT

Brilliant x
I spent 5 years healing and getting to know me, I’m still learning 9 years on and MY heart comes first. I am in love with a man and it so different when you are truly loved back, but those single years are my foundation of loving me and I now know I’m a survivor and I’m stronger than I ever knew 😊 enjoy the next part of your life as you fall in love with yourself, sending heaps of blessings 💜

Fiona

JULY 3, 2015 AT 1:29 PM | EDIT

Well done hunni! So pleased to hear about your weight loss journey, you are doing really well especially through these tough times which shows what a strong cookie you are.

Hugs
Fiona
xx

Rose

JULY 3, 2015 AT 8:38 PM | EDIT

I can feel your pain love. But I just want you to remember to say something to yourself every time you find yourself being overwhelmed:

Say these powerful words to yourself and dwell on these words as you say it:

I thank whatever GODS may be
For my UNCONQUERABLE SOUL.
I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE….
I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL…..

It is time for you to rise out of this pain and misery, and transform yourself into a beautiful butterfly. Sometimes you have to go through the deepest pain to come out on the other end…glorious and unconquerable…Because YOU are the captain of your soul!

Sending you my hugs love….

Sally Jenkins

JULY 3, 2015 AT 2:14 PM | EDIT

You wow me! You are such an inspiration. I have been overweight most of my adult life. A typical yo-yo dieter, everything stimulates my appetite. I eat to celebrate happiness, eat to wipe away the tears! I have tried all sorts of diets. I am happy I discovered your site; you will be my inspiration

Fifeemcg

JUNE 12, 2015 AT 7:28 PM | EDIT

Keep holding your head high and fighting as you are. You are an amazing soul xxx

Mary

MAY 7, 2015 AT 6:52 PM | EDIT

what on earth to say….

if you want the rainbow you’ve gotta put up with the rain??? nah that’s a shit one….,

hang on……rethink

‘if life gives you lemons, make lemonade’???? oh dear that’s even worse

one more… I’ve got it….

there’s plenty more fish in the sea?

seriously…. you have permission to ‘web stab’ me!!!!!!

I of course don’t mean any of these things but hope I may have bought a tiny chink of light and possible teeny weeny smile.

Deep dark times have no words of comfort written. Keep being you, writing, sharing and letting us in and keep being you ❤️

Austinkahuna

MAY 7, 2015 AT 9:51 PM | EDIT

You will survive. And this period will suck. I know how you are feeling and appreciate the honesty and emotion that you convey within your words. Thank you for expressing yourself so wonderfully. One foot in front of the other, that helped me quite a lot. Aloha to you

6

Day 397: Week 57 Weigh-In – Smash that Jinx

In every diet that I have been for as long as I can remember, I get to the 86 point something mark and it all goes to pants. The cycle of weight gain would commence and the vicious cycle of obesity.

Not this time.

I am super chuffed to announce that after a few weeks of ups, downs, wondering whether I will ever beat the 86 point something jinx, my official Cambridge diet weight is finally 85 point something.

I have not been this weight since the early 90s.

Here’s to the second part of this weight loss quest, the most important part, the part that finally takes me to a me that I have never been, a beautiful, healthy, slim woman.

I will not get complacent. I take nothing for granted. This is a battle of mind, body and soul. If I fall, I get up and keep going.

Stopping until I reach goal is not an option I am willing to take, for as long as it takes.

Week Fifty seven’s Verdict: today’s weight 85.8kg; week’s weight loss 1.4 kg (3.08 pounds); total weight loss 38.6 kg, 84.9 pounds, 6 stones 1 pound

85.8