3

Day 164 – The Joy of Jeans

I’ve had a bit of a setback on the weight front but I’m working on it…

Given that I hadn’t lost much weight in the last 4 weeks, I purposely went off plan, gained a 1.2 kg in two days, hoping for a tried and tested whoosh on getting back to plan, but after being on plan 100% on Monday, I lost absolutely nothing yesterday.

Nada. Huge panic.

Today has been more like the whoosh as I lost 0.7 kg with only 0.4 kg of that weight gain remaining which I am hoping will go, plus more, in the next few days. Fingers crossed my gamble pays off.

I think one of the medication I have been on has been causing the weight loss stagnation and I am working on getting the medical support I need to help me through this tough period, without compromising too much on the huge boost I get from losing weight.

But this is a happy post…

OK, I appreciate that no matter how fat you are, you can buy big enough jeans to fit you and kudos to those women for rocking out their jeans but I’ve always had a mental block about buying huge jeans especially as I am blessed with fat thighs. I have tended to buy size 16 or 18 jeans or below. If these tree trunk thighs won’t fit, then no jeans for me.

funny-fat-stomach-jeans

Last night, I decided to try two jeans which have always represented a slimmer me…

I had felt so sexy just before my wedding when I had lost a bunch of weight and finally fitted into one pair. And the other, I started wearing after losing 5 stones in 2010.

The last time I tried those two jeans on 30th March this year, they both didn’t even get above my knee.

And yesterday, there I was, both jeans fitted.

I cannot begin to express the joy I felt looking at myself in the mirror. OK not in a narcissistic way…

My life is in transition and there will always be sad thoughts because of course wearing those jeans reminded me of my wedding period. They also reminded me of holidays with my husband, where I would go away wearing one of those jeans and litter my diet journal with words like “The Joy of Jeans” to remind me of the joy I had wearing those jeans in the airplane and to encourage me not to overeat on holiday, so as to travel back with the jeans still fitting nicely.

But whatever sad thoughts may cloud happy times, yesterday, the joy of jeans won the day.

I am once again that girl that can fit into jeans I’d barely won in more years than I care to remember.

I still have a loooong way to go and I’m not resting on my laurels. One day, these two sexy jeans will be my fat jeans. Now that’s a happy thought.

jeans

3

Trick or Treat?

This has been a very stressful and uncertain year but things are calmer. DH and I are working on our marriage. In the pre-Cambridge me, “working on our marriage” would have meant eating out a lot at some of our favourite restaurants or discovering new ones. There would invariably be extravagant tasting menus consisting of numerous courses, washed down with red wine. I would have also been dining out a lot, being “cheered up” by one or two very generous and very kind souls who enjoy “treating” me to special restaurants.

I’m not pretending that such indulgence would have continued indefinitely. Pre-Cambridge, I was pretty good at getting back to my low carb way of eating, the very next day or even next meal.

As has been the recurring theme of this diary, not this time.

Treating will not consist of food.

I am rediscovering other things that could cheer my spirit up without a corresponding increase on the scale.

Bath treats

I LOVE the absolutely gorgeous Acqua di Parma Colonias bath and shower gel and body cream. I previously gave DH a hat box that included these and other products as a present a year or so ago but I have rediscovered this unisex product for myself. If like me, you like glossy bags, buy it from somewhere like their concession shop at John Lewis.

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Flowers

I like having fresh flowers around the house. Something about them can cheer up the bleakest of days. Current bloom…

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One for the road

Given yesterday’s post about the Big “C”, I can’t resist posting this product which DH and I bought for a laugh. I did say this blog was warts and all. I’m glad to report that it works…a treat! And it comes with a Liberty bag. Happy days.

I had a giggle or two at the coy and I dare say, very English description of this product. I’m a sharing kind of girl, so here goes:

Post-Poo Drops

Tangerine peel, ylang ylang, Mandarin Peels

In instances where vigorous activity has occurred in the bathroom, dilute several drops of this carefully crafted Aesop product in the toilet bowl after flushing, for the benefit of all subsequent visitors.”

There you have it. I’m sure you really wanted to know all that.

Loses all visitors to the blog…

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7

Rock the size you are; don’t wait until the size you wish to be

I love fashion.

Modesty apart, I have a great sense for fashion. I don’t necessarily mean expensive taste, just good taste. When I dress up, my clothes are usually matched with perfect accessories, and even if they are cheap fashion jewellery on sale from Debenhams, I can still make them look fabulously put together.

I am that girl that would not be seen dead taking out the bins without lipstick and nail polish. DH rolls eyes at the once in a blue moon I actually take out the bins. I am also that girl friends Whatsapp or email photos of themselves in cleverly lit changing rooms as they try and decide what clothes to buy for special occasions. In my time, I’ve been known to gently say:

“I’m sorry darling, but that outfit does nothing for you.” This of course would be followed by a: “Why don’t you try this and that with that and I’m sure you’ll look fab.”

These friends keep coming back to me because they know they will get an honest opinion from me and they are confident that together, we can choose the perfect look for them. One friend was ecstatic when I stopped her from wearing a hideously unflattering white outfit for her son’s Christening. Instead, I helped her lose 22 pounds in 2 months by a personalised daily low carb diet I had designed for her and which she followed religiously. For the Christening, we choose a fabulous outfit that said: Look at me world. I’ve just had a baby but I am slim, classy and sexy as hell.

She was so enthralled that she put together some marketing materials touting me as a stylist and weight loss expert. I’m sad to say that my weight held me back. Whilst I am happy to help as many people as I can lose weight, and keep the weight off, or style them in a way that makes the best of their body size, I couldn’t really envisage a small business doing so or styling anyone when I hadn’t conquered my own weight demons. Have you ever seen a fat fashion stylist? I haven’t.

Hypocrite

I have always been a believer that you must not suspend your life waiting to lose weight in order to live life to the fullest you can. I’ve also often advocated dressing the size that you are; rocking it out whatever size you are and making the best of whatever assets you think are your best, whilst of course making positive changes to lose weight. I just don’t believe people that say that they are happy being fat.

I think that no matter who you are and how unhappy you are about your weight or any other aspect of our body, we all have some redeeming factors. The world “ugly” does not exist in my vocabulary. It might be very difficult to find or even to accept the beauty within all of us, but there is always something that makes any woman beautiful.

If you think your face is beautiful and your body crap, take time with your face make-up and be the supermodel that you are. Even if your eyes or lips are the only thing you like in your face, rock them. If you have nice legs, wear shorter skirts and dresses and show off those legs in high heel shoes. If you’re blessed with magnificent breasts, flaunt them…whilst of course making sure you don’t look like a hoochie mama by flaunting both your legs and your breasts; it’s one or the other ladies!

If underneath your flab, you have a tiny waist, accentuate it. If you are blessed with long growing feminine nails, embrace them and teach yourself how to give yourself the best manicure at home without spending a fortune in a salon.

plus size model 2

I am therefore sad to report that I have fallen foul of those things I have long advocated; rocking the body you have, and making the best of your assets. OK, the face make-up and nails have not slipped but my clothes have. As my horrid 2014 continued, I stopped wearing my jeans, stopped wearing anything that looked like fitted clothes; stopped wearing colours, replaced by black and more black loose fitting clothes. I did this without any huge realisation that I had stopped wearing those things because they no longer fitted.

I had gotten rid of all my fat clothes after I lost 6 and a half stones in 2011, and I have refused to buy bigger sized clothes. I just won’t. However, the more vibrant colours in my wardrobe sit there gathering dust. In their place, I have been wearing black on black. OK, winter might have something to do with warmer colours but I think my weight has more to do with this. I have also been wearing loose-fitting maxi dresses even as I write this, those sizes 14 and 12 dresses, still fit as they fitted following my big weight loss even though I am significantly heavier. I wear my comfortable M&S black trousers with elasticated waists, oblivious of the fact that some of these continue to “fit” because the elastic have long gone. The sizes on them say 14 and 16 even though I know that I am at least a size 18 or even a size 20. I really don’t know what my correct size is and I don’t necessarily wish to know because I am not buying bigger sized clothes and whatever size I am, it is going down.

This week, I pledge to try my jeans and acknowledge the fact that they no longer fit. Perhaps every month, I could try them until they finally fit. I will try the more fitted clothes that I have avoided, and if they don’t fit, keep trying them until they do. I will wear more colours and not the black on black that have crept into my daily wears. I will embrace the weight that I am, own it, rock it and make it the best that I can make it, whilst I continue to work on the body that I wish to have.

I will not wait until I have lost another three stones to start living again. I will rock the size that I am…today. I shall not wait until I am the size that I wish to be to rock it out.

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