Day 348: Week Fifty Weigh-in – Change the Narrative

This has been a FANTASTIC week on the weight loss front.

I have now lost just over 80 pounds.


But first, some thoughts….

I went on my first diet at age 9.

I have been fat all my life.

The demons in my head mean that whenever the shit hit the fan, I turn to crap food, lots and lots of it.

I am also a Taurean. We love our food.

However, I am proud that in the year from hell, going through the most horrendous divorce ever, I have lost 5 st 10 and still losing.

I am not by any stretch of the imagination trying to claim that I have conquered the demons that mean food gives me comfort; as anyone who’s read my posts in the last couple of weeks will note, I haven’t.

I am a work in progress.

I fully accept that even when I reach goal weight, (when and not if) I will spend the rest of my life battling to stay slim. That is OK because the greatest armour to success is recognising a problem.

My goal is to change the narrative of my life.

I do not wish to be that girl that eats crap when shit happens.

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Easier said than done, I know.

If shit happens, I want to be that girl that hits the gym, works out as hard as possible, singing to sad love songs, belting out ABBA’s the Winner Takes it All or Gloria Gaynor’s I will Survive as loud as I can, with tears dramatically running down my eyes, like I’ve done quite a few times in my life!

If I need to ride the blues or feel full of angst and heartbreak, there are other things I could do that do not involve a packet of crisps, diet coke and takeaway.

I elect to change my life’s narrative.

This has been a fantastic week not just because I’ve lost a bunch of weight, but also because I am back in the gym.

I love fitness, I have worked out regularly for 20 years or so, even at over 127 kg, I was fit, working out 3 to 5 times a week.

Being in the gym, listening to music, singing along, if I’m in my home gym (as it will be kind of crazy to sing out loud in a public gym…) have always been a source joy for me.

I am thrilled that I have hopefully found a way to combine this low calorie diet with fitness and still lose weight.

Note to self: Well done!

Here’s hoping for another good week next week.

Week Fifty’s Verdict: today’s weight 87.9 kg, week’s weight loss 2.9 kg (6.4 pounds); total weight loss;  36.5 kg; 80.3 pounds; 5 stones 10 pounds



Day 345 – The Joy of…Sex?

The good

So I hit my home gym for the first time in nearly 1 year.

I am lucky and have gym quality equipment in my home including a Life Fitness Recumbent exercise bike and TechnoGym Top XT

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What a revelation.

In the past, even at my heaviest weighing over 127 kg, I would use the gym 3 to 5 times a week and if I missed a week or two, I would immediately notice the loss of fitness.

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On Sunday, I was cycling like I had just cycled the previous day and not the previous year. My legs felt so light on the pedals – the effects of having lost 35 kg since the last time I cycled. I was singing to ABBA, truly in my element.

I hit the gym again yesterday and same as Sunday, 10 minutes on the bike and 10 minutes on the Top XT (which is like cycling with your hands). I had intended to eat little bit more protein as I still don’t believe it is OK to gym on the 810 calories I’m on but I was busy and didn’t.

I have missed fitness.

Oh how I have missed my gym.

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The bad

I had one of those weekends when it would have been great to have had a man around the house but I don’t and I coped just fine.

Massive water leak in my downstairs toilet, sitting room and corridors. I knew the stopcock for the water was in a kitchen cupboard but I couldn’t locate it.

My next door neighbours who have been very kind to me, came to the rescue as we tried to locate the stopcock. I thought it might have been covered by a kitchen cabinet panel which my neighbour unscrewed and voila.

With no water off, my kind neighbours offered to get me some fish and chips as they figured I wouldn’t want to cook. I declined gratefully. I cooked.

And then started my Saturday night. Plumber arrived, claimed it was a gas pipe or underfloor heating causing the leak and said that I needed a gas engineer.

Gas engineer arrives a couple of hours later, destroys my wall and paintings getting to radiators, says boiler pressure is fine, and that I needed…a plumber. He warns me that my new expensive amtico floor will have to be destroyed to locate the leak.

Fuck. I can’t afford to replace floors.

I waited until nearly midnight for the plumber to return and I called to be told he wasn’t coming. He would call before coming the next morning…but that was of course too much like hardwork, he just turned up at my door around 8, waking me from a dream where I was hugging the soon to be ex sister-in-law I’ll most likely never see again in my life and kissing her son, my much loved nephew who sadly I may never see again.

The plumber returns and says being Sunday, nothing could be done and I have to wait for Monday for thermal imaging to check where the leak was coming from.

I elect to have the water turned back on and to watch for leaks. I can have a long shower and flush toilets and live in the 21st Century.

Monday arrives, I’m told the thermal imaging will come Wednesday but at least I have running water.

But who cares about all that? I’ve re-discovered the joy of exercising and feel like I have a good bit of my old life once again.

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