101 Things You Can’t Do When You’re Fat

Number One: Skinny Girls in Rock/Pop Concerts

DH and I went to a very enjoyable, I dare say, romantic, Van Morrison’s concert last night at the Royal Albert Hall for a most worthy cause, the Teenage Cancer Trust there goes I but for the grace of God, not that I’m in danger of becoming a teenager any time soon.

OK, Van the Man isn’t exactly rock and roll or one of those open air concerts that make you feel young, vibrant and alive but it got me thinking…

Whenever I go to those types of concerts, there are always annoying skinny girls grooving, waving their skinny arms around and wiggling their perfectly formed pert bottoms whilst sitting on top of their fit men’s shoulders. They always seem to be wearing the tiniest of shorts that wouldn’t even fit a 10 year old. Perhaps you’re one of those girls. I promise I’m not hating. I’m not at all jealous. I’m not. I’m not. I’m not. OK, maybe a teeny weeny bit.

Conert girl

Well, true confession but I have always wanted to be one of those girls. The reality of my life in like forever, is that if I had ever attempted to get on top of the shoulders of any man, (I don’t care if he’s an Olympic Heavy Weightlifting Gold Champion) to wiggle around in loud music, there are only three options that I can imagine for that lovely man:

Option 1: Leave the concert with permanent brain damage from my trunk like thighs crushing his skull.

Option 2: Leave the concert in a wheelchair with damaged spine, never to walk ever again.

Option 3: Leave the concert in a body bag. End of life (his, not mine) as we know it.

fat girl on man's shoulder

Given those three options, I think it is only fair to say that one of those things that you can never do (or rather “should not do” given the brave souls in these photos) when you’re fat is sit on your man’s shoulders and rock it out.

You’ll be glad to hear that this is one dream I might just leave in dreamland. Given that I am a 41 years old woman, when I am skinny, I might just leave this for teenagers and twenty something years olds.

Another fat girl

Note to self: Act your age, and not your shoe size.

And if you’re really that interested, I wear a size 6.